I’ve been investing a lot of my time and energy on my blogs the past weeks. I feel it’s they’ve been like an un-attended house that was rotting away. Now that I’ve allowed myself to just be the person God wants me to be, it’s liberating ;-) . I’m loving it, and I’m staying with it.
The needed push
A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon Ala Paredes‘ Daily Portrait. Wow! She was doing portraits – mostly water c0lor, mostly self-portraits – on a daily basis. I was impressed with the discipline. I was particularly struck when I read about Ala’s rule about her daily portrait: She paints something each and every day, regardless of her availability of time, resources or energy. She replied to me via Twitter: “If it’s important to you, you will make time.”
I like this updated frame of mind for my Daily Blogpost. It’s the discipline of writing each and every day.
When I first set-up PasikBlogan, my purpose was a couple of things. First was to challenge myself to write daily. Second was to experiment with various ways of blogging. I wanted to expose myself to different methods of blogging. We set out to have daily challenges like: “write something mundane”, “write your crappiest blogpost”, “audio blog”, “write in another language”. This was my way of stretching myself.
That was an interesting idea, PasikBlogan. I just realized that for me, it was too much of a stretch. After a few days, I found myself in a backlog of blogposts, trying to catch up, and just really stressing myself out. Just the mere writing daily is *already* a stretch for me. Add to that the challenges that we created. I was doing it for the wrong reasons. After around 15 days, I stopped my PasikBlogan writing.
There were things in my mind and heart that were keeping me from being a more prolific writer. One was that I felt I didn’t deserve “it”. When I started earning passive income from my blogs circa 2007, I was thrilled! I was earning like US$150+ a month even when I wasn’t blogging. But deep inside, I felt as if I didn’t deserve it. I sabotaged myself and let my blogs rot away.
I also felt as if I had nothing special to say. As if there’s always somebody out there who’s more knowledgable in what I was about to write. So I’d stop myself and just not write. There’d be some pain in my heart when I read a blogpost by a friend and think “that topic was in my mind for sooooo long, why didn’t I just write it agad?” That was me before.
Back then, I used to think that blogging was too self-centered. I realize now that my blogging is my way of honoring my God, of honoring the gifts he has given me, of honoring the purpose that God has put me here.
Now, I’ve started to un-kink and allow the flow.
Allowing the Flow through my Daily Blogpost
Now I’m doing a daily blogpost. In the past 14 days, I haven’t missed a day … except one! hahaha! I was in Baguio, I was wondering whether I’d really want to miss one day. I allowed myself to rest. It’s part of the learning process. To experience the minor fail – just to experience it and *love* myself even if I missed one day. I’m learning to be comfortable with it. I’m not banging my head on the wall for that missed day. I’m okay ;-) .
13 posts out of 14 days ain’t bad. I’ve had some very profound experiences in the past weeks of my daily blogpost. One article was particularly powerful experience when I just allowed my spirit to just write. I also absolutely enjoy the feedback I get from friends about my posts. Thank you for reading!
And what are the elements that give me these positive vibes? Sincerity is one. Being authentic. I’ve been able to express my true self through the words I write. No need to hold back. Accepting myself helps me just be myself, it allows me to express myself more. I also allow myself to go with the flow, more specifically, to trust my instinct. I feel as if I’ve un-kinked the flow of my writing. It was as if in the past, I just stopped myself too much from writing, because “I have nothing worthy to say”, or “other people might think this or that”.
In all that I’ve blogged so far, I feel the presence of the Lord. I allow myself to be used as an instrument. I give praise to our Lord by being the writer and teacher that he has called me to be.
“I believed in myself. And I was free!”
– Vince Hipol, Heroic XXXI
Is there something that you’ve been wanting to express? To yourself? To someone? To God?
Allow yourself to flow! Go by gut, take courage and let God’s nudging guide you. Flow!
Free to express myself!