How do I express something that I myself am just beginning to understand? I will just share my experience without feeling the need for my readers to have to understand me. Some will understand, some won’t and that is all fine with me ;-) .
I’ve learned over the years that people’s physical ailments *can* be triggered by negative emotions being kept inside. Emotions such as resentment, lack of forgiveness, hatred, jealousy. These can cause physical ailments in people. This is also why I feel some of our countries leaders have become sick — because they have done so many bad things that their body manifests the mis-alignment of their acts with the values that we all have. (Note: *Not* all physical ailments are caused by emotions. Some are natural occurrences, genetics, unhealthy nutrition or environment etc.)
Yesterday, Rezza and I attended a healing mass and pray-over at the Feast. We had Fr. Nelson Osorio celebrate the Catholic mass, and then returned later for the pray-over. It was a healing mass, an opportunity for the attendees to just allow the Holy Spirit to heal us. A lot of it has to do with our own decisions to forgive, to let go of negative emotions.
Bo gave a talk that prepared the community for a deeper healing. He spoke about Loving our Enemies. (When Bo’s blog comes out with this story, I’ll link it here). In essence, the teaching was for us to be truly obedient with the Word for us to reap the abundant blessings of the Lord. A big part of obedience is Loving our Enemies. I knew that this was going to help me heal my soul. It starts with forgiveness.
I brought to mind all the people whom I needed to forgive. One by one, I prayed for them. I expressed in my heart my forgiveness for them. And from some of them, I also asked for forgiveness. Because I knew that some of the people I love most, I had hurt the most too. Lastly, I forgave myself and I just lifted up this forgiveness to the Lord, asking Him to bless me with the grace of forgiveness.
As we prepared for the pray-over, Fr. Nelson announced that they needed volunteer catchers. I told Rezza I wanted to volunteer. She gave me some tips on how to catch.
Just to explain a bit through my own knowledge, when people are prayed over, and when they allow themselves to release all their negative emotions, many people are “Slain in the Holy Spirit“. The physical manifestation of this is falling. This is just letting go of *our* control and allowing the Holy Spirit to heal us, to bless us, to overcome any negative feelings and emotions within us.
I had a very unique experience as a catcher yesterday. As people were being prayed over by Fr. Nelson, I would be praying over the people in my own silent way. I prayed for the person, ready to catch them in case they are slain in the Holy Spirit.
And then I meet a lady in her early 40’s. Let’s call her “B”. She was with her friend whom we’ll call “A”. I bareley recall any words that I heard from their conversation. Just watching them as they were walking toward the front, I just felt very deeply the encouragement of A for B to just receive the pray over. I felt the resistance of B expressing “hindi na kailangan“. This exchange happened as A and B were approaching the line of people being prayed over. When they joined the line, I took my position as catcher behind B.
As I was standing there, praying for B silently, getting ready to catch her if she needed, I had a compelling feeling to tell her something. It was a bit of a struggle and hesitance on my part. Shall I tell her what I felt she needed? Or do I just pray for her? I listened to the inner voice, and took the courage to respond to this feeling I had. From behind her, I tapped B on her shoulder, and told her in a soft voice: “Sister, open yourself to the blessings of the Lord.” She acknowledged with a slight glance toward me from the corner of her eye.
In a few moments, Fr. Nelson prayed over B. There was a faint movement as if she was about to fall back. She chose to stay standing, and that was all fine. Her friend A beside her was slain, so I assisted in gently laying down A on the floor.
In the meantime, as I was kneeling on the ground assisting A, B turned around and spoke to one of the people assisting. B pointed to me and said: “Ang lakas niya!”
I stood up and B addressed me directly. She had a look of amazement on her face. She told me “Sa iyo ko naramdaman ang Holy Spirit! Ang lakas mo!” She was surprised with what she felt. And she was telling me that she felt the Spirit through me. All I could say was: “Thank You, sister. God Bless you.”
And then B asked me: “How can I discover the Lord?”
Instinctively, I replied: “Open up.”
She asked: “To whom?”
I replied: “To the Lord.”
Then she repeated: “Ang lakas mo!”
And she walked away.
At this point, I was overwhelmed myself. I stepped back from catching duties, just to take in what being revealed to me. I was being affirmed of what I had began to discover the past years: a gift of healing.
I needed to gather my bearings, so I stepped away toward the side of the stage. I prayed. And then B approached me and asked me something I’ve never been asked before like this. She asked me to pray for her. Inside of me, there was a split second of hesitation. And then I responded: “It is my honor to pray for you.”
I asked her name. She said her name is “Beng”. And then the question in my mind was (… and this is funny!): “What’s eating you?” Hahaha! That was a light moment for me, and I kept it to myself. I searched for more appropriate words and I quickly re-focused to ask Beng: “What are your concerns?”
She responded to me. Frankly, I don’t remember her reply. I just felt that she wasn’t ready to reveal the deeper concerns that she was struggling with. And I respected that. I started to pray for Beng. I prayed that she allow herself to be open to the blessing of our good Lord. I asked that the Love of God flow through her, to her loved ones, to the people around her. I prayed that she let the Love of God flow through Beng to her enemies. I asked for the blessing of forgiveness. I asked for physical and emotional healing. I asked that she be filled with love from our good Lord.
I ended my prayer.
Beng looked up and told me: “I’d like to pray for you.” And in her prayer, she blessed me with her words, she blessed me with her prayer. She affirmed me and asked our good Lord to bless the gift that was given to me. She ended her prayer. We looked each other in the eye, I just said: “Bless you Beng, Thank you.” And then she walked away.
I took a moment to let it all in. I prayed. I prayed. I allowed myself to be blessed by Beng’s words, be blessed by what she was revealing to me. And then I went back like an obedient soldier of God and continued my catching duties.
Understanding beyond words
I continued to pray for the people I was catching. I learned by example from the other people who were assisting in the Pray over and healing. I learned to let people stretch their legs and completely relax and take comfort in the blessing of the Holy Spirit. I helped people get up as well, amidst all the emotions and the physical sensations they were feeling from the Holy Spirit. I would whisper (more to myself than to them): “Bless you sister” or “Bless you brother”.
There was another young lady in her early 20’s. I was praying for her as she was in the line and I was behind her. When Fr. Nelson prayed over her, she was blessed and remained on her feet. She turned around and looked toward me. She looked very deep into my eyes, I looked back … and then I broke contact. I looked away, nahiya ako.
And then I looked back and she was still looking at me in a very deep way. She spoke to me, told me something. I didn’t understand, so I asked her to say it again. She said the same words, and really I just couldn’t understand her words. I just responded telling her “Bless you, sister.”
I did not understand her words. I DID understand what she said through her eyes. She was acknowledging me and thanking me. I’m not sure for what, I just felt that she was blessed by the Holy Spirit. And I was an instrument.
You are the ultimate healer. You have given me pain in my life that I felt was unsurmountable. You have given me pain which I felt I did not deserve. You have given me pain that I thought I was stong enough to endure on my own.
I thank You dear Lord for always being with me during those times of extreme grief and sorrow. During my times of depression. And as I tried and failed to endure all this on my own, I thank You Lord for being there to catch me. By being there allowing me to experience all this pain.
For I knew that you were blessing me with something more. You were blessing me with Your Love. You were blessing me with vulnerability. You were blessing me with the trials that would make me stronger. You were taking me through the fire, because You were moulding me, like a sword is sent through the furnace and moulded with a hammer.
Dear Lord, You have revealed to me how You heal through me. Lord, You affirmed me yestereday through Beng and other people I assisted. Dear Lord, use me. I am yours.