What's truly behind the wish?
What’s truly behind the wish? (image via Tyson Seburn)

“How powerful is Your Love, O Lord!”

I go by heart and speak of a topic that I haven’t written about in the past: Annulment. Wow! As I type, I feel I’m questioning the repercussions of this post. I go by heart.

Let me focus on one question: When is it time to file annulment?

My simple answer: when hatred becomes apathy.

I’ve had friends come to me asking me how to file an annulment here in the Philippines. I usually step back from the question and find out more about how the relationship is going. I don’t want to start talking about what I know when all the person needs is a friend who will listen to their story.

Usually, there are two ways to go with the question of when to file for annulment.

On one hand, when I feel that one or both spouses has turned to apathy, it just means that the marriage has been reduced to just a written contract that has become void of any emotional foundation. In this case, the marriage has become a hindrance of the spouses from their individual growth. For this kind of relationship, I would begin to share what I know about the annulment process.

On the other hand, when I feel that one or both spouses just have differences in thoughts and beliefs, I listen. You know this thing they call “irreconcilable differences”. Bleh! It’s a myth! It’s not that the differences are irreconcilable. It’s just that the people choose to not work with their differences.

Differences in people are wonderful! That’s what life is, finding that there are other ways to do things, opposite ways of doing things, and being okay with it ;-) . It sounds like this: “My way is not the only way. And I am accepting of my spouses’ way.”

When a friend comes to me asking about annulment, I listen. I listen for signs of love. I listen for the excitement of the reconciliation. I listen for the urge to make things work, for the need and want to make things work. That’s what I listen for. I listen to their stories and watch their eyes. I tune in to what their body is saying beyond the words they are speaking. I listen to their heart. I listen for love. I listen for longing. I listen … I listen …

And when I hear the love, I love them back and tell them: Annulment is not for you.


Your friend edWIN


3 thoughts on “When the search for “the end” is only the beginning

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