Originally published on The Good Men Project.

Are there people in your life that you don’t understand?
People who get on your nerves?
Or maybe even people close to you that you hate?

I’m not talking about people you read about on the news. I’m talking about people who you see or meet on a regular basis. Maybe someone you work with. Or even someone you live with.

Would you love to have a tool to Un-hate that person?

Note: This works only if you *want* to un-hate the person. If you choose to continue to hate the person, stop here. This article can’t help you at all.

How to Un-hate Someone Close to You

Okay, so here it goes. I’m a life coach. I use this tool to help clients overcome negative feelings about people close to you.

I’ve seen one office executive go from hatred towards his partner’s ex-boyfriend and transformed into empathy for the partner’s ex- for what he is going through.

I’ve seen a startup CEO turn from hating his co-founders for questioning him, to embracing his co-founders’ questions as a way to build up the company.

I’ve seen an adult son turn from being let down by his mother to seeing how much his mother sacrificed for him.

Each of the above examples happening within 20 minutes. And I am here to guide you through that process too.

It starts with the acknowledgement that whatever it is that you believe about the person is based on how you perceive them. It is based on how you see them, based on what meaning you make of their words, and how you interpret their actions,. It’s all about how YOU see, hear, feel the person. And THAT is where the problem is. You’re STUCK in your own eyes, ears, body and how you perceive the person!

The essence of this tool is for you to step out of your own preconceived notions. And step into the shoes of the person you hate, the person you want to understand better.

If you want to understand them better, you need to see things from their perspective,

In this exercise, let’s refer to that person as “J”. Before we begin, I need you to prepare two chairs. One for you, another for “J”. At a certain point in the exercise, you’ll need to stand up and move to the seat of “J”. When you’re ready with two seats, go ahead and play the audio file …

Let’s begin …

If you’ve followed the audio recording, you would have gained a new perspective into “J”. Instead of being stuck in your own perspective, now you have a new way of thinking, a new way of feeling about your situation with J.

And with the new way of thinking and feeling, you will have new actions as well. Go forth and appreciate what is new because it is good for you. 😉

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